Jealousy seems to be getting the best of me.
I really can't help being jealous, or at least feeling the pang of jealousy whenever a situation of potential competition arrives. Why do I have this basic female instincts (it seems) to get all flared up about a boyfriend talking about another female other than myself, bringing up porn stories, or saying anything that sounds like "so-and-so has really pretty eyes" about another woman??? I HATE IT! What the fuuuuuck.
When a situation like that happens, I get all jealous and shit, and then act a bit angry and say/do something really stupid that conveys my moment of weakness and poor judgment and then finally feel stupid about getting jealous. And this all happens in a matter of minutes!
Is something wrong with me? How can I change myself so that I'm not driving away someone that I really, truly care about? And how does my boyfriend deal with this, if he can see that moment of jealousy flare up? It's amazing.
It's really amazing to see how ridiculous I can be. It's amazing how sorry I feel for myself right now.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
stumbling is funnn
http://officeofstrategicinfluence.com/gates/
terrifying but absolutely beautiful images
I freakin' love stumbling.
terrifying but absolutely beautiful images
I freakin' love stumbling.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Academia
Today I received the grade for my Asian American Psychology exam and well... I got another C. Again. First it was the Psych 9B exam, and now this! GAH. I really need to study more and study productively... and stop being too over confident of my knowledge for the tests.
When I texted Greg about it, I actually started to feel pathetic. I tend to slip into this mode a lot and it's scary. It's as if I turn into a whole other person and start to pity myself too much. Then I get all gloomy and start thinking pessimistically, and then I go even further to start comparing myself to other students (often Greg, then various other friends I have) and feel very very sorry for myself. But really what I should be doing is working on how I look at a situation I'm in. Greg did a good job of pointing out that "we fail so we can try harder next time." He's absolutely right. That's when I started to get a grip on my self-pitying emotion and drown out that static, and then I started to feel better.
It's a good thing that I have someone in my life who can help me with my problems, be it academic or personal.
And now I'm reviewing my notes from Psych this week, catching up on reading and making even more notes. I will proceed to shut off my computer and not open it until I'm done with the "Thinking" chapter in my book.
So, buona notte!
When I texted Greg about it, I actually started to feel pathetic. I tend to slip into this mode a lot and it's scary. It's as if I turn into a whole other person and start to pity myself too much. Then I get all gloomy and start thinking pessimistically, and then I go even further to start comparing myself to other students (often Greg, then various other friends I have) and feel very very sorry for myself. But really what I should be doing is working on how I look at a situation I'm in. Greg did a good job of pointing out that "we fail so we can try harder next time." He's absolutely right. That's when I started to get a grip on my self-pitying emotion and drown out that static, and then I started to feel better.
It's a good thing that I have someone in my life who can help me with my problems, be it academic or personal.
And now I'm reviewing my notes from Psych this week, catching up on reading and making even more notes. I will proceed to shut off my computer and not open it until I'm done with the "Thinking" chapter in my book.
So, buona notte!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
sweetness
Well, i haven't really posted in a while. Sorry. But things have been hectic with school... finally the chaos has died down and now life can be calm-ish for a while.
The other night i slept over at Greg's room and he did the sweetest thing. Just after his roommate turned the lights off, he climbed up into his bunk bed with me already in it and laid down on his side, facing me. I could barely make out his face but I knew he was looking at me longer than he normally does when it's bedtime. So I opened my eyes again (since I was trying to sleep) and looked back at him and asked, "Hey... what're you looking at?" And he blinked at me like he had to think about what he said and replied, as he extended a hand to brush my hair gently, "Are you going to be able to sleep?" He asked this because I have always had a problem falling asleep and staying asleep, and Greg knows this very well by now after having slept with me for a gazillion nights.
I said, "Of course I'll be able to. Will you? Please don't worry about me."
And he said something along the lines of, "But I want to make sure you get sleep." Then he proceeded to stroke my hair, over and over and over. I couldn't open my eyes after a while, it felt so soothing! He probably did this for a straight 10 minutes (or so I thought; either way, it was for a tiring time) and well... all the while, I thought about just how much he cared for me and how much he truly loved me. And how much I loved him!
He stroked my hair like my mom did for me. And that was such a beautiful time, being with my mom. I really wish she'd lived to meet this boy. He's something special.
The other night i slept over at Greg's room and he did the sweetest thing. Just after his roommate turned the lights off, he climbed up into his bunk bed with me already in it and laid down on his side, facing me. I could barely make out his face but I knew he was looking at me longer than he normally does when it's bedtime. So I opened my eyes again (since I was trying to sleep) and looked back at him and asked, "Hey... what're you looking at?" And he blinked at me like he had to think about what he said and replied, as he extended a hand to brush my hair gently, "Are you going to be able to sleep?" He asked this because I have always had a problem falling asleep and staying asleep, and Greg knows this very well by now after having slept with me for a gazillion nights.
I said, "Of course I'll be able to. Will you? Please don't worry about me."
And he said something along the lines of, "But I want to make sure you get sleep." Then he proceeded to stroke my hair, over and over and over. I couldn't open my eyes after a while, it felt so soothing! He probably did this for a straight 10 minutes (or so I thought; either way, it was for a tiring time) and well... all the while, I thought about just how much he cared for me and how much he truly loved me. And how much I loved him!
He stroked my hair like my mom did for me. And that was such a beautiful time, being with my mom. I really wish she'd lived to meet this boy. He's something special.
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